Thursday, April 28, 2016

Rule 23(f) Granted; Lower Court Reversed!


Funny how that happens.

This part is hilarious -- you know how some defendants want to jump the gun on class cert, show they are being "aggressive," and so move to strike the class allegations instead of just letting the process proceed as it should in an orderly fashion according to Rule 23.

But then they win(!) unexpectedly perhaps, and face the inevitable interlocutory petition under Rule 23(f).

But NO says the winning D:
Defendants argue that we lack jurisdiction to hear this appeal because Rule 23(f) only authorizes “an appeal from an order granting or denying class-action certification,” not an appeal from an order granting or denying a motion to strike class allegations.  We reject Defendants’ narrow reading of Rule 23(f) because the district court’s order striking Plaintiffs’ class allegations “is the functional equivalent of denying a motion to certify the case as a class action.” 
Come on, seriously?

Some lawyers are just d*cks.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

3d DCA Watch -- Also Greynolds Park Anti-Semitic President Taft Watch!


It's Springtime in South Dade® which means the fluttering essences of written utterances waft lightly in the air (this is me sweet talking):

C.P.Motion v. Goldblatt:

Reversed.

Alvey v. City of NMB:

This is a substituted opinion but seems to have the same outcome.

The historic, majestic North Dade urban oasis has survived another day.


“The intelligent Jews of this country are as much opposed to Brandeis’ nomination as I am, but there are politics in the Jewish community, which with their clannishness embarrass leading and liberal and clear-sighted Jews. I venture to think that the leading Jews of New York, Boston, Chicago, St. Louis, Cincinnati and the other cities, who are not bound up in emotional uplifting, and who do not now tend to socialism, are as much troubled over this appointment and as indignant as any of us can be, but Brandeis’ foresight as to himself has strangled their expression lest they arouse bitter criticism against themselves by their own people.”
I like to consider myself "liberal and clear-sighted" and definitely clannish, prone to "emotional uplifting" and of course the Tribe Bernie "tends to socialism." 

Maybe Taft had a point?

Finally -- offers of judgment follies!

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

You Can't Waive Right To Arbitrate Claims Not Yet Asserted!


I know that sounds pretty exciting, but it really only helps corporate defendants (little other real-life context):
As in Dickinson, J&G did not waive the right to arbitrate the state law claims raised in the second amended complaint because those claims were not in the case when it waived by litigation the right to arbitrate the FLSA claim.  If anything, this case is even more clear-cut than Dickinson because the initial complaint in that case arguably raised a state law claim, see id. at 640, while Collado’s first amended complaint clearly did not.
In other news, lawyers have diverse niche practices nowadays!

Happy Tuesday, plebes!

Monday, April 25, 2016

Bathroom Police: Florida Editon


Have you all been following the stunning success of North Carolina's transgender bathroom discrimination? Every musician in the world is now boycotting them, along with major corporations, and this is adding up to millions of dollars and thousands of jobs literally down the toilet.

Now some geniuses in South Alabama North Florida want to bring the same nonsense here.  
Transgender and gender nonconforming students in Marion County are under attack.

The Marion County School Board will be voting on an “emergency” resolution next Tuesday, April 26th that will prohibit transgender students from using the bathroom that aligns with their gender identity.

The “Gender Inspection” resolution will require that all students be restricted to using the bathroom that corresponds with their “biological sex” assigned at birth, regardless of how a student identifies. If passed, this resolution will be enforced starting Wednesday morning, stigmatizing transgender and gender nonconforming kids and putting them at risk for further harassment and bullying.
This is just discrimination posing as public safety.

Friday, April 22, 2016

Happy/Somber Earth Day!



I'm used to swimming in a sea of mixed emotions but with Passover upon us, Earth Day, and the death of an icon, the tides are turning far more than usual. So let's take these things one at a time.

Good news on Passover here. Your 420 is Kosher!

Is there hope for Planet Earth? I hope so, but if you've ever gone to a park or beach and found it left a complete mess by the people that were there before you, that's us. That's our generation. We're those people. "We do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors,  we borrow it from our children."

And Prince.... I haven't cried this much over a musician's death since we lost the late great Dr. Winston O'Boogie. To say that I am a Price fan would be an understatement. Everybody loves you when you're six feet in the ground, but I was along for the whole ride.

One of the most annoying things about the death of a celebrity musician like Prince is that you end up hearing the same greatest hits, overplayed top 40 radio songs that you should already be sick of at this point. In Prince's case this is a real disservice because he has so many underplayed gems.

Here are a few of my favorites.

Electric Chair ~ Off of the Batman Soundtrack "If a man is considered guilty for what goes on in his mind then give me the electric chair for all my future crimes."

Joy in Repetition ~ Years ago when I was trying to impress Prince's musical prowess upon a certain blogger of your acquaintance, this was one of the songs I turned to. SFL loves it. 

We Can Funk ~ His duet with George Clinton was as close to a gay rights anthem as he ever wrote. "Sex between two people is alright when all the love in the world is what they've got. As long as they don't try to hurt nobody, and just as long as it's hot."

Anotherloverholenyohead ~ "You don't understand the things I'll tell you baby down on my knees." Oh, I understood!

Starfish and Coffee ~ Sing of the Times was called Prince's White Album and the whole of it is excellent. But there's a cute innocence to this song that always makes me happy.

Private Joy ~ This wasn't a top 40 hit, but it should have been.

Sleep Around ~ The best love advice you will ever get. "Do it like she likes it so your baby don't want to sleep around."

Got a Broken Heart Again ~ Off of the Dirty Mind album, this ballad stands out for its innocence.

Love 2 the 9's ~ I'm not the world's greatest musician, but I'm a good enough musician to know what a great musician Prince was. The timing and cord changes on this song impress the hell out of me.

America ~ The hyper-nationalism of the 80s turned into a funky flutstramental.

Let's Pretend We're Married ~ Pretend was all I had for years!

Live 4 Love ~ Can a fighter pilot become a peacenik in under 7 minutes? You betcha!

Scarlet Pussy ~ The dogs line up!

Chelsea Rodgers ~ Because super models need love too!

I could go on, but I have real work to do. One thing is for certain, he may have been only 5' 2" but a giant has left the room.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

I Wanna Be Your Lover.


You were.

Judge Ryskamp Presides Over Bagel Battle!


And the 11th is sending it back down to him for a third(!) bite of the poppy (but not too much seeds please!):
At issue today is whether the district court erred by refusing to issue an order to show cause why Bersin Bagel Group (“Bersin”) should not be cited for contempt for prosecuting a series of state law claims in a Florida court after having been enjoined from doing so by the federal court.  This is the second trip this case has taken to our Court.  The first time we considered the matter, we concluded that the Court lacked jurisdiction to entertain the appeal and, therefore, we declined to rule on its merits.  This time, now clothed with jurisdiction, we conclude that the district court did not abuse its discretion by declining to enjoin Bersin from prosecuting its case against Original Brooklyn Water Bagel (“OBWB”) in state court.  Nor did the district court err in declining to hold Bersin in contempt.
Schmear on my brothers!

Now watch this commercial from my childhood which explains a lot, an awful lot:


Wednesday, April 20, 2016

3d DCA Watch -- Happy Dead Hitler's Birthday!



Yes kids, to quote the great Gilbert Gottfried from earlier today:

"Birthday message to Hitler. You're dead and the Jews run the world. HA HA"


Oy veh that's off my chest let's do the bunker bund:





Tuesday, April 19, 2016

A Piss is Just a Piss: Transgender Bathroom Laws are the New Hate Du Jour

Let's get real about what the actual effect of this new wave of transgender discriminating bathroom laws looks like in practice.

New laws in North Carolina and Mississippi demand that:

This guy use the lady's room.


And that this gal use the men's room.


These laws put transgender people in danger and do nothing for public safety. Voyeurism and harassment in restrooms is already illegal, regardless of the gender of the person. This fear is a non-issue designed for no other purpose than to cloak bigotry and discrimination under the guise of protecting the innocent.

If we really wanted to protect the innocent, maybe we need laws banning conservative politicians from restrooms. I do not jest. I have scoured the interwebs and I can not find even one instance of a transgender person being accused of inappropriate behavior in restrooms.

But you don't need to look very hard to find incidents of conservative bathroom misconduct. Just Google Larry Craig, Bob Allen, or the king molester and longest serving Republican Speaker of the House Denny Hastert.

Live and let live folks, a piss is just a piss.

Monday, April 18, 2016

He Fought The Dildos and The Dildos Won!


With all the problems facing the modern world, at least we know Ted Cruz has his priorities straight!
In 2007, Cruz's legal team, working on behalf of then-Attorney General Greg Abbott (who now is the governor), filed a 76-page brief calling on the US Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit to uphold the lower court's decision and permit the law to stand. The filing noted, "The Texas Penal Code prohibits the advertisement and sale of dildos, artificial vaginas, and other obscene devices" but does not "forbid the private use of such devices." The plaintiffs had argued that this case was similar to Lawrence v. Texas, the landmark 2003 Supreme Court decision that struck down Texas' law against sodomy. But Cruz's office countered that Lawrence "focused on interpersonal relationships and the privacy of the home" and that the law being challenged did not block the "private use of obscene devices." Cruz's legal team asserted that "obscene devices do not implicate any liberty interest." And its brief added that "any alleged right associated with obscene devices" is not "deeply rooted in the Nation's history and traditions." In other words, Texans were free to use sex toys at home, but they did not have the right to buy them.

 His former college roommate and frequent Twitter nemesis Craig Mazin was having none of it.



This is all a big hoot, but what isn't a big hoot is the extreme variant of  dominionist Christianity the guides Ted Cruz. I'll be following up on that if and when this loon moves forward towards the White House.