Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Yes, Judge Jordan Went There!


So the Cartoon Network has a stupid app so your kid can watch "Tom and Jerry" while you text your friends, but apparently it also tracks everything and monetizes your activity:
Cartoon Network identifies and tracks an Android smartphone user on the CN app through his mobile device identification or Android ID, which is “a 64-bit number (hex string) that is randomly generated when a user initially sets up his device and should remain constant for the lifetime of the user’s device.” Cartoon Network keeps track of an Android user’s viewing history by maintaining a record of “every video clip or [episode] viewed by the user” via the Android ID number. Cartoon Network then sends this information to a third-party data analytics company called Bango. Each time a user closes out of the CN app on his Android device, “[a] complete record”—including the user’s “Android ID and a list of the videos he viewed”—is sent to Bango.

Bango specializes “in tracking individual behaviors across the Internet and mobile applications . . . [and claims] that its technology ‘reveals customer behavior, engagement and loyalty across and between all [ ] websites and apps.’” Bango uses Android IDs “to identify and track specific users across multiple electronic devices, applications, and services.” Because Bango is apparently “smarter than the average bear,” see The Yogi Bear Show, Trying to Escape Jellystone Park (Hanna-Barbera Prod. 1961), it can “automatically” link an Android ID to a particular person by compiling information about that individual from other websites, applications, and sources. So when Cartoon Network sends Bango the Android ID of a CN app user along with his video viewing history, Bango associates that video history with a particular individual.
Isn't that sweet?

(By "sweet" I mean the Yogi reference, not that horrible invasion of privacy!)

Cocks Not Glocks!

Now here's some open carry I can get behind... er in front of.
A University of Texas at Austin alumna has the latest response to campus carry: dildos.
The protest, organized by Jessica Jin, is called Campus (DILDO) Carry. The protest is scheduled for Aug. 24, 2016, the first day of the 2016 fall semester. It went viral in less than 36 hours with #CocksNotGlocks.
Concealed weapons being allowed in buildings on University of Texas at Austin will take effect on August 1, 2016 — the 50th anniversary of engineering student Charles Whitman's rampage from the campus clocktower in 1966. It was one of the first mass shootings on a school campus in America.
More than 5,000 have RSVP'd to the protest. UT Austin has an enrollment of more than 51,000 students.
Jin told the Houston Chronicle on Monday that she wants the dildos to serve as a "visual representation" of what everyone on campus carrying guns may look like come August.
"I think it has caught on quickly because it resonates with them in a multitude of ways. The gun puns and the humor have been remarkable, but this satirical employment of dildos has also sparked more serious conversations on topics like the perception of safety, the intersection of guns and sexuality, and even campus sexual assault," Jin told the Houston Chronicle on Monday. "Others are simply seeing it as quite a literal fuck you to the people and forces that led us into this divisive nationwide deadlock in the first place. There's a lot of arguing going on, but the consensus is: We're all just trying to not get killed."
All of you who have never seen a John Waters movie should know that a dildo can be just as deadly as a gun in the right hands.

Monday, October 12, 2015

Yet Another Rothstein Recovery!

Can anyone recall another example of a massive fraud where lawyers for investors got back so much $$$$ on behalf of their clients?

I can't think of one:
Bank of America has settled a lawsuit filed by investors in disbarred attorney Scott Rothstein's $1.2 billion Ponzi scheme who claimed the bank knew about the fraud.

The confidential settlement was announced in Broward Circuit Court on Wednesday but has not been signed by the parties. The announcement came with a six-week trial scheduled to start Monday.
The settlement was confirmed by co-lead counsel Harley Tropin of Kozyak Tropin & Throckmorton in Coral Gables. William Scherer of Conrad & Scherer in Fort Lauderdale, co-lead plaintiffs lawyer, declined comment, saying the settlement is not yet final.

Eighty investors last year sued for $389 million plus punitive damages, claiming the bank knew of the settlement financing fraud but deliberately kept quiet about it.

A Bank of America spokesman confirmed the settlement Friday but had no comment on it.
Wait a second -- Bill Scherer declined comment?

Now THAT'S newsworthy!

Congrats to the trial team!!!

Friday, October 9, 2015

The Best Strawberry Malted Ever!

It's Friday, plebes!

1.  Most consumers have no idea they agreed to mandatory arbitration.

2.  RIP E. David Rosen.

3.  This Brevard County judge hit one of the lawyers outside his courtroom.

(Outside is better, it preserves the dignity of the proceedings!).

4.  Best. Death. Scene. Ever.

Stay gold!

Spencer Thinks There May Be Something to this VW Thing After All!

Especially if your car came from Germany via luxury cruise!

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Is It That Hard to Not Be a D*&K?

Gotta love state court.

Don't be that lawyer who sits next to opposing counsel while waiting for the hearing, doesn't say a word, then in the hearing five minutes later drops a huge bombshell such as "new" controlling authority or an amended pleading or some other stupid example of low-rent gamesmanship.

Show some respect for yourself and your profession, sheesh.

Here's an example that goes way beyond that, but it's the same old story:  be nice to people (even when you vehemently disagree):
In that case, Respondent made threatening and disparaging statements to a senior judge, who had been appointed to serve as a provisional director by civil trial Judge Dresnick. This misconduct violated Rules Regulating the Florida Bar 4-8.2(a) (a lawyer shall not make a statement that the lawyer knows to be false or with reckless disregard as to its truth or falsity concerning the qualifications or integrity of a judge, mediator, arbitrator, adjudicatory officer, or public legal officer) and 4-8.4(a) (a lawyer shall not violate or attempt to violate the Rules of Professional Conduct).

Respondent also demonstrated unprofessional and antagonistic behavior during numerous hearings in the civil case. Respondent’s behavior was offensive to both Judge Dresnick and successor Judge Valerie Manno Schurr. His conduct also disrupted the proceedings, in violation of rule 4-3.5(c) (a lawyer shall not engage in conduct intended to disrupt a tribunal).

Finally, Respondent made approximately ten disparaging or humiliating statements to opposing counsel. Respondent yelled insults at opposing counsel in the hallway of a courthouse in front of other attorneys. Respondent shouted in front of a judicial assistant and other attorneys that opposing counsel was a liar. Such misconduct was in violation of rule 4-8.4(d) (prohibiting an attorney from engaging in conduct in connection with the practice of law that is prejudicial to the administration of justice, including to knowingly, or through callous indifference, disparage, humiliate, or discriminate against other lawyers on any basis).
WTF people?

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

3d DCA Watch -- Basic Lawyering 101 Edition!

Hey, did you know you could file an affidavit in opposition to a summary judgment motion?

Just how detailed and persuasive does it need to be?

Not much:
Although the vice-president’s affidavit is far from a model of clarity, we hold it was sufficient to prevent entry of summary judgment in the absence of a more detailed factual record. For this reason, we reverse.

We remand to allow the development of a more detailed factual record addressing whether the Broker actually worked in conjunction with the Florida broker to procure the subject lease extension. Nothing in this opinion should be read as precluding a renewed motion for summary judgment by either party once the factual record is developed. In this regard, however, we remind the trial court, and caution the parties, that rule 1.510(g) requires the court to award attorney’s fees in the event the court finds that an affidavit was filed in bad faith or solely for the purpose of delay.
Wow -- you just dodged a bullet, only to possibly be hit by a train.

Good luck!

Hey, did you know an order granting entitlement to fees is not the same as a final judgment awarding those fees?

You didn't?
Tower Hill Prime Insurance Company appeals an order determining Alfredo Torralbas’ entitlement to attorney’s fees and costs. An order that merely determines entitlement to attorney’s fees without actually awarding an amount of fees is not final and, therefore, not appealable.
School's out, kiddos!

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

This Handsome Young Lawyer Just Might Be Your Next Florida Senator!

This dreamy Orlando lawyer wants to be your next US Senator!

He's a 2011 graduate of DePaul University College of Law and he's admitted to practice before the Middle District of Florida as well as in four states including Florida, where he is a member in good standing!

Also, according to my pal Kyle Munzenrieder, he's got some other fascinating interests.

This from the former chair of Florida's Libertarian Party:
Mr. Invictus has repeatedly vowed that it is his destiny to start a second civil war in America. In a 2013 memo to his colleagues, he wrote, “I have prophesied for years that I was born for a Great War; that if I did not witness the coming of the Second American Civil War, I would begin it myself."
He has described himself as an American Fascist, and even his campaign logo is nearly identical to that of Benito Mussolini. He has displayed swastikas in his published campaign materials.
He has expressed support for a eugenics program, which would sterilize, euthanize or forcibly abort "the weakest, the least intelligent, and the most diseased."
Many of his supporters are known members of Neo-Nazi and white supremacist groups, such as American Front, Vinelanders, and Stormfront, and he has been recruiting them into the Libertarian Party.
In a private, face-to-face meeting with Mr. Invictus, I asked him directly, "Do you actually intend to kill millions of people and start a civil war?" His answer to me was, "It's my religion."
Um, yeah.
Oh, wait, but there's more!
Mr. Invictus practices Thelema, an occult pagan religion based on the teachings of Aleister Crowley. Mr. Invictus was ejected from Ordo Templi Orientis for brutally and sadistically dismembering a goat in a ritualistic sacrifice.
So, he's a pagan — but a pagan that is even too extreme for other pagans.
So welcome to the race, Augustus Sol Invictus!

Monday, October 5, 2015

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Frightened People, Vengful God

What a terrifying world these people live in...
Blount County, Tennessee is set to hear a most important resolution this coming Monday. It is a resolution asking God to not destroy the county in his upcoming wrath, as a reaction to the U.S. Supreme Court ruling permitting same-sex marriage. Blount County is promising not to engage in same-sex marriage or homosexual acts, and asks God to please not treat it like Sodom and Gomorrah. When reading stuff like this, it is very difficult to believe that we live in the 21st Century in one of the most advanced countries in the world. This inflexible mindset is being fueled by the GOP and corporate media sources such as Fox News. It’s very sad and unfortunate. 
Here is the resolution. It is set to be heard Monday at 6:30 p.m. at the Blount County Courthouse. 
Whereas, the Governor, Attorney General, and ALL WE Blount County Legislators have sworn an oath consistent with the moral Law of God (“So Help Me God”) to uphold the Constitution of Tennessee and the Constitution of the United States; and 
Whereas, the fulfillment of this oath, in the American tradition, may not be read to contradict the written Constitution, Justice, Reason and higher Natural Law; and 
Whereas, not all orders claiming authority under color of law are lawful; and
Whereas, unlawful orders, no matter their source – whether from a military commander, a federal judge, or the United States Supreme Court – are and remain unlawful, and should be resisted; and 
Whereas, the American system of federalism envisions a political stance of resistance by States and their office holders against lawless federal court orders; and 
Whereas, modernly, federal judges have once again usurped powers not delegated to them, and have violated Reason, the Rule of Law and Natural Law by purporting to strike down State laws and acts of the People recognizing and protecting Natural Marriage; and 
Whereas, the United States Supreme Court is not the sole and final arbiter of the powers of the States under the Ninth and Tenth Amendments, when it acts in an area outside of its jurisdiction; and 
Whereas, the federal Judiciary was created by the Founders to have “neither Force nor Will, but merely judgment; and must ultimately depend upon the aid of the executive arm” and the States, for the carrying out of its judgments, and it is high time that the Court be so reminded; and 
Whereas, we are forced beyond our wishes to comply with what is clearly against our conscience, and violates what the Bill of Rights, both State and Federal, give us the Right to do… With a firm reliance upon the providence of Almighty God WE the BLOUNT COUNTY LEGISLATURE call upon all of the Officers of the State of Tennessee, the Governor, the Attorney General, and the members of the Tennessee Legislature, to join US, and utilize all authority within their power to protect Natural Marriage, from lawless court opinions, AND THE financial schemes of the enemies of righteousness wherever the source AND defend the Moral Standards of Tennessee. 
It gets better!
WE adopt this Resolution before God that He pass us by in His Coming Wrath and not destroy our County as He did Sodom and Gomorrah and the neighboring cities. As the Passover Lamb was a means of salvation to the ancient Children of Israel, so we stand upon the safety of the Lamb of God to save us. WE adopt this Resolution begging His favor in light of the fact that we have been forced to comply and recognize that the State of Tennessee, like so many other God-fearing States, MAY have fallen prey to a lawless judiciary in legalizing what God and the Bible expressly forbids.
The bible says that 'god is more forgiving than any man.' Ergo, god must be more forgiving then me and I certainly won't turn anyone into salt over the crime of getting married or looking back. Now that idiot who cut me off in traffic is another story.