Monday, June 16, 2008

Hello, You've Got (Rat Turd) Mail!


Have you ever thought opposing counsel's letter was just plain full of crap? No, I mean it literally:

''Infested with mice,'' her lawyer, Gerald Kornreich, alleges in an emergency motion.

One of Reuther's attorneys, Dirk Lorenzen, says Reuther is the dad, no question, and is generous with the kids. He has paid more than $13,000 this month in rent and support, court docs say.

Her apartment, overlooking the bay, would list for $500,000-plus, Lorenzen adds. Reuther rents the adjacent apartment. Onyewenjo claims Reuther once ''pushed his way'' into her unit, ``screaming and threatening her.''

Lorenzen calls the alleged rodent problem a ''litigation fairy tale.'' If there are critters, they could have stowed away ``in one of the boxes or pieces of furniture moved from North Bay Road where there was a mouse and rat problem.''

Kornreich's response: ''Mice and/or rat droppings'' sent in a letter to Lorenzen and Reuther's other lawyers, Christopher Klein and Thomas Baur. ''We are only enclosing a small sample to avoid a large mess in your offices and remain professional,'' says the letter, now an exhibit in the court file.

Let me try to understand this -- Gerald Kornreich encloses rat turds in a letter to another lawyer "to remain professional"?

Tell you what, I'm glad I don't practice in divorce court. Besides obvious Rule 901 evidentiary issues, you gotta feel for the office staff on all sides involved in the transmission and receipt of that lovely correspondence.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a bunch of shit.

honest lawyer said...

There's absolutely no need to actually enclose the turds. What a crock.

defense lawyer-for-the-princess1 said...

8:05, agreed

newbie-who-likes-the-princess said...

SFL,

My research on Bolero led me to this:

Bolero is a 3/4 dance that originated in Spain in the late 18th century, a combination of the contradanza and the sevillana.

Am I getting wamer?

Pearls-for-the-Princess said...

Newbie do you at least know what
'Pearls' for the princess means?

Think ZZ TOP

-he wanted to remain professional so he sends rat droppings to another lawyer? Sheesh! Why not just deliver a cake with the droppings on top and say 'it's topped with chocolate chips!' What morons!

newbie-who-likes-the-princess said...

ZZ Top, those guys with the long Santa-like beards? Their music is ancient.

waiting-for-the-princess-to-post said...

SFL, newbie thinks we're ancient.

newbie-who-likes-the-princess said...

All you lawyer bloggers, weren't you interns at one time or another in your career? Everyday I receive a list of duties that I must perform including a couple of written items the lawyers add, such as 'coffee, no sugar at 1pm.'

Can anyone of you take pity on me tell me the significance of SFL and Bolero?

defense lawyer-for-the-princess2 said...

Newbie,
I interned at what was once considered the worst firm in all of Miami. The interns were slaves, one of the tasks was picking up dry cleaning every week and shopping for a gift for one of the lawyers' wives because he was too busy.
I'm not telling you the connection between Bolero and SFL out of spite for my days as an intern.

What the 'hail' SFL throw newbie a couple of bread crumbs to find his way home.

South Florida Lawyers said...

10:33, ok, let's give our friendly and curious newb a chance to work his crack research skills:

http://tinyurl.com/56n4xe

fake Chris Carver said...

A most excellent video choice, SFL!

newbie-who-likes-the-princess said...

I put my lawyering skills to use. Did a cross reference between the film and Bolero..... How do I say this?

if anytime Bolero is playing the chances are quite high SFL and the princess are together or SFL is thinking about being with the princess?

Did I get it right?

waiting-for-the-princess-to-post2 said...

12:05, give the boy a treat SFL!

What does the princess do on the weekends that makes her not post regularly on Mondays? Is she that exhausted spending the weekends with you SFL?

Anonymous said...

12:12, is that a question or an obvious statement?

Anonymous said...

BTW, the last part

newbie-who-likes-the-princess said...

SFL and the princess know each other,
how?

fake pompous ass said...

Newb you did great; now go get my dry cleaning.

Anonymous said...

12:40,

You'll find the answer on 'Unsolved Mysteries' so check your local listings.

I'm only hassling you newbie. No one knows. We're only under the assumption they are acquainted. One thing I can say, the princess always ignores my emails.

Anonymous said...

1:20, you are not the only lawyer whose emails to her go unanswered. There are many of us, myself included.

Anonymous said...

I was represented by Gerald Kornreich briefly in my divorce. He actually said to me he had no idea what else he could do for me and when all my money was exhausted he dumped me. I don't know how this guy gets away with practicing law in Miami.

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