Monday, November 16, 2009

I Love You George L. Metcalfe!


No, not in that way.

But your extraordinary certainty in the application of God's law to Florida gay adoption issues is either admirable or very scary:
Law which accurately contemplated this eventuality for the Jewish people (and the fact that slavery continues even today) is perfect God-given law. Time is no factor. God is unchanging and immutable, meaning He is absolute, unchallengeable, unassailable, indisputable, incontrovertible, and undeniable.
Exactly what law school did you learn this in?

You know, when I took the oath at the 3d DCA they must have left out that part.

According to George, God is like a slightly anal Dr. Weil, but without the fun psychotropics:
Coleman never understood that laws of Leviticus are health laws. Skin and blood infections abound when laws of adultery are broken (hence STDs and AIDS), and when garments of mixed animal materials are interwoven and worn in direct contact with human skin without sanitary lining. Harnessing horses and donkeys together results in uneven pulls on both animals, and greater injury risk to the farmer and his animals. Coleman should notice that serious health law violations which imperil people have greater legal remedies. Today’s research confirms great health benefits of those today who obey God’s law.

God’s laws condemning homosexual practices (Lev. 18:22) as an abomination remain consistent with all other health laws. As remedy for violating this law, God’s will separates those who defile themselves with homosexuality from the community (Lev. 18:29-30). Nowhere in 66 books of the Bible are children permitted to live with practicing homosexuals.
(I take it back -- maybe there were some psilocybin mushrooms somehow involved.)

But George makes a good point.

In fact, I insist that everyone in Florida live exactly according to George's conception of God's law.

Forget H1N1, George and I propose the Florida Legislature immediately pass a statute forbidding the sale of "garments of mixed animal materials interwoven and worn in direct contact with human skin without sanitary lining."

It's a health issue, people.

We also demand that horses and donkeys never be harnessed together (if you've seen Bachelor Party I think the reasons are obvious).

And don't get me started on sowing fields with mingled seeds.

Note to my friends at the Florida Bar News -- you've managed to turn your letters page into a "George L. Metcalfe" bot.

Each month letters are written and George responds, thus leading to more letters and responses in an infinite loop.

I guess George is right -- this endless letters debate is "unchanging and immutable" -- in other words, just like George.

33 comments:

  1. "sewing fields with mingled seeds"....why did the Kimster just pop into my mind?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Georgie doesn't know what he's missing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What the fuck is it with these so-called religious idiots who obsess over other people's sex lives, and animal harnesses?

    Thanks to sad twits like these, civil rights for LGBT citizens of Florida sit dead last, right behind comparatively progressive Alabama. No wonder Florida is bleeding population, who want to live next to these freaks?

    But as a nod to you George, my same-sex husband and I will give up the harness, just for tonight. Good leather is expensive, and you can't let it go to waste.

    ReplyDelete
  4. George, I just can't quit you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I agree with George!

    ReplyDelete
  6. The last time I tried to harness a donkey and horse together was back in college.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The last time I tried to harness a donkey and horse together was last week with the missus.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Coke and soda? Now Jake, you dirty boy!

    ReplyDelete
  9. BTW, SFL I think it's about time that pic of George got the old Godwhacker photoshop drag-queen makeover. She just doesn't look right without a tiara.

    ReplyDelete
  10. @4:05- the most popular boy on campus asked me to the sock hop. I said yes. I am afraid he is going to kiss me and I am not ready. I am an old fashioned girl who is saving herself. What should I do?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Good stuff Jake but not in the mood for the emails.

    ReplyDelete
  12. immutable homophobe is more like it

    ReplyDelete
  13. OMG. I've been censored!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I too love George L. Metcalfe!
    (Oops!!! I AM George L. Metcalfe!!!)

    ReplyDelete
  15. tired of comments like "I can't make lunch today. " or buy antibiotics online. Then write to me at icq 75949683256...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Well. Nice to read about George. It was a good article. I enjoyed reading it.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Really?
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    Signature:buy levitra professional online vim

    ReplyDelete
  18. What about... ?
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    Signature:lipitor vmviy
    order lexapro vfyxt

    ReplyDelete
  19. kyodai majong

    http://majong.socialgo.com

    ReplyDelete
  20. I liked it. So much useful material. I read with great interest.

    ReplyDelete
  21. The restaurants list with thousands of restaurants reviewed by visitors. http://restaurants-us.com/tx/Houston/McDonald%27s%20Restaurants/77013/

    ReplyDelete
  22. Overview of state health insurance laws and activities. http://insuranceinstates.com/illinois/Chicago/Knell%20&%20Poulos%3A%20O%27Connor%20John%20J/60607/

    ReplyDelete
  23. To be a upright human being is to have a make of openness to the world, an gift to trusteeship undeterminable things beyond your own pilot, that can govern you to be shattered in unequivocally exceptionally circumstances on which you were not to blame. That says something very impressive about the condition of the righteous passion: that it is based on a trust in the fitful and on a willingness to be exposed; it's based on being more like a plant than like a treasure, something kind of tenuous, but whose mere item attractiveness is inseparable from that fragility.

    ReplyDelete
  24. The Law firm of Patrick H. Yancey located in Maritime Lawyers in Houma Louisiana specializes in representing persons injured while working as a crewmember on a ship tug supply vessel crew vessel jack-up vessel derrick barger pipe lay barger or any other type of vessel.

    ReplyDelete