Sunday, December 13, 2009

My Advice To Tiger Woods.


OK, so you finally did something smart.

Your latest statement, following two pathetic attempts, was much better:
I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I've done, but I want to do my best to try.
Thank you -- "infidelity" is infinitely superior to "transgression."

And this time you're not blaming the media (poor form given all you knew you did) or railing against "unfounded and malicious rumors" that turned out to be true.

Your lawyer Mark NeJame kept the cops at bay and you wound up with a parking ticket, so that part's done.

But your ridiculous changing story lines and two initial statements were major missteps.

Now after finally demonstrating acceptance and refusing to battle the emerging salacious details and the press, you are on the right path.

Next thing is to stay silent and let all the rumors and details emerge -- you can't control them at this point, and it's best to get them all out there now.

Photos, sex the night your Dad died, possible love children, get it all out in the open. They will eventually taper off.

While this is happening, get the wife back on board -- revise the prenup and give her what she wants:

According to reports, Tiger Woods is offering Elin Nordegren $5 million immediately to stay married to him now and a $55 million prenuptial if she sticks with him for another two years.

Their current prenuptial gives Elin a $20 million settlement only if the two have remained married for 10 years.

The prenuptial rewrite entails a reduction in the time period to seven years along with a $55 million settlement staggered over five years that could be worth more than $75 million.

When you have her back by your side, get ready for Oprah sometime in mid March -- long enough for all the details to have come out, but early enough to have an impact on your triumphant, chastened return to the Masters in April.

Your sports-loving fan base will accept you -- hail they already do, given that your reckless behavior and choice of women reflect an air-dried, objectified Playboy pinup fantasy that plays well with many an American sports fan.

That means your sponsors -- catering to these fans -- will come back if you continue on this path to public redemption.

Oh yeah, two other things.

One, the mainstream media dropped the ball completely on this story. Forget the sports press -- beholden to you, your sponsors, IMG etc. -- you never gave them access and you punished reporters who did not comply with your rules, so no wonder you were never caught and no one even thought to try to catch you.

Yes, it was the lowly National Enquirer again breaking a massive story that the MSM missed, though they're just as willing to dupe their readers in exchange for access:
Earlier that year, according to Neal Boulton, the former editor in chief of Men's Fitness magazine, the National Enquirer squelched a story about a tryst Woods had in an SUV in exchange for Woods agreeing to pose for the cover of Men's Fitness. Both publications are owned by American Media Inc. The New York Post reported the agreement Dec. 2.
Second, get some help.

Does this behavior indicate a man that is happy with himself and his place in life?

I'm not a big fan of "sex addiction" (except on Showtime's excellent Californication), but your self-destructive, desperate behavior has to be addressed before you can ever hope to move on.

In the meantime, sit back and enjoy the ride.

8 comments:

  1. Very interesting.
    1. Admit that you are a serial womanizer and whore monger.
    2. Then, to please your wife and try to convince her that you are sincere in your devotion, pay her $$$$$$$$$$ to stay with you.
    Not exactly a solid foundation for a relationship based on mutual respect and love.
    My advice? Stop the charade. Divorce her. Pay her a lump sum. Send out some feelers to the press that she knew about it all along (this is probably true), get back to work making money, and present yourself as a throwback to to the late 50's, early 60's, sort of golf's version of Donald Draper. The fans will love it. And why? Because, you SFL, have inadvertently stumbled onto a truth far more significant than you let on: Tiger's fan base is 90% white middle aged men who spend countless hours dreaming of doing what he did but can't because of financial constraints. They won't admit it publicly, but deep inside, they are with him all the way.

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  2. Question for SFL- should Tiger hire Nurik?

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  3. As usual STL brings something substantial and insightful to the discussion.

    We are dealing with three issues -- endorsements/career, personal happiness, and family.

    STL assumes Tiger and or his wife no longer wish to be married, when it's possible they both still do.

    So as to family and/or personal happiness, there may be some daylight there in sticking it out, at least for a while.

    As to career, STL is right -- his fan base is exactly as he describes, which means the lower-end endorsements will stick with Tiger or come on board if he does as STL suggests -- Gillette, beer companies etc. are all going to be there.

    To retain the higher-end luxury market (Rolex), where "excellence" and "refinement" are marketed as lifestyles expressed through purchasing decisions, he can't go all Don Draper yet -- his best bet is to patch things up and go on a public redemption tour.

    What I am laying out is basically a five-year plan, to get Tiger to where he wants to be so he can retire a champion, be like Jordan and do whatever he wants.

    Remember, even the 50s "swingers" (Frankie, Dino, JFK) all had picture-perfect families while they were going after everything that moved.

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  4. Pulp and his idiots are writing about nonsense. This is intelligent for a change.

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  5. based upon their analysis, i'd venture:

    SFL is married (to his high school girlfriend); and

    STL is betwixt wife #2 and soon to be wife #3.

    just my WAG.

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  6. Tiger's addiction issues go beyond sex. He should have gotten a DUI.

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  7. Tiger was morally wrong for lying to his wife, and possibly guilty of driving while impaired, but I don't see any issues aside from that. Except, of course to say how bizarre I find it that humans, animals driven to sexual obsession by millions of years of evolution, should find anything shocking or surprising in Tiger Wood's behavior.

    Someone with great personal magnetism, good looks, and success used those assets in pursuit of sexual fantasies. Do you think?

    You may not agree with his choices. He may not agree with his choices. But they were his to make, no?

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  8. ggohquaj, xrumer how to , lfFntmz.

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