Thursday, May 27, 2010

Your Useless and Pointless Knowledge


Let me ask you something -- what is the point of the Herald's five-minute summary, or whatever it's called -- that occupies a half page yet provides no new content of any kind?

Are there really people out there who are unable to scan a newspaper like the Herald in five minutes, without having a pointless summary that attempts to replicate what the Herald looks like on the internet?

Seriously, the paper's thin enough without having repetitive filler that serves no purpose whatsoever.

For that matter, I feel the same way about Tables of Contents and Authorities in briefs -- if your brief is 30 pages or less, and you are not in an appellate court that requires it, you are wasting everyone's time by clogging up the beginning of your document with something that no one ever looks at or refers to ever again.

Have you ever read a 25 page brief but suddenly went "where is Venetian Salami, I must find it immediately, I'm unable to simply skim the brief and find it quickly, there must be a mildly faster way -- YESSS!"

In other news, I heard Peter Valori on the radio the other day:
PETER VALORI, ATTORNEY, DAMIAN & VALORI LLP: Typically the person that you're trusting knows nothing of the fraud. They've been victimized themselves, but they just don't know it yet. So they make the perfect candidate to draw in new investors because they have no sense that what they're doing could potentially be harmful to their friend or family member.
Peter, you're a good guy and fine attorney, but come on, you definitely want to put your best face out there, know what I mean?

26 comments:

  1. venetian-salami-lovers-for-the-princessMay 27, 2010 at 10:22 AM

    Calling the shumie.

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  2. bring on the grateful dead, sfl -- i want to see glenn rock it!

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  3. Over at Balkinization, Law Professor Steve Vladeck has done a superb job highlighting a truly vile provision in the National Defense Authorization Act for FY2011, which directs the Pentagon's Inspector General to "conduct an investigation of the conduct and practices of lawyers" who have represented Guantanamo detainees and then report back to Congress. That provision is the brainchild of GOP Rep. Jeff Miller of Florida, who has labeled efforts to represent detainees (specifically as part of the John Adams Project) a "treacherous enterprise" and smeared those lawyers as "disloyal." Vladeck thoroughly documents how the lawyer conduct that is targeted by the mandated investigation is so broad that it could easily encompass every act of defending Guantanamo detainees, and thus, standing alone, could serve to intimidate and deter lawyers from vigorously representing those detainees in the future.

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  4. Glenn Garvin-- The Grateful Boob

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  5. Shumie time @ 4pm!

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  6. Garvin needs to let his beard go....HAH

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  7. Glenn needs a mohawk!

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  8. If you want an education, just keep listening to Dylan, and use the Miami Herald for what it's best for -- wrapping fish and lining bird cages.

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  9. Can Melanie sue Garvin?

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  10. Glenn in a mohawk? I vote for a mullet!

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  11. Glenn needs to go cue ball.

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  12. Nothing worse than someone hiding the Venetian Salami in their briefs.

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  13. Speaking as a law clerk I disagree with your table of authorities rant. True, I do not look at them in general, but on more than one occasion I have come across a case in my independent research (after reading the briefs) and want to see if either party discusses or mentions the case. Being able to look at the table of authorities is helpful for this, as I can quickly find the case (or not find it). As for the table of contents, I could take it or leave it, but it has been slightly helpful at times in making sure I haven't missed those "kitchen sink" arguments (you know, when a party throws in 17 arguments in the last 3 pages).

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  14. Fair point (this is why I probably could use an editor, like say Winona Ryder from Mr. Deeds)?

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  15. I like my salami with mustard.

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  16. the best meat market shop is located in little havana. great salami.

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  17. Salami-- is it Friday?

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  18. Reading your post made me think of all of those "Who's Who" awards and sites out there. Yes, I made it, but wait, you won't publish my name unless I pay you... LOL.

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  19. sfl you ever play 'find the salami' with the latina or are you still teaching her reading and writing skills?

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  20. Not to out you or anything, but aren't you Peter Valori?

    I wouldn't have said anything, but you mentioned the name first.

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  21. Valori isn't as fuuny.

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  22. I'm going to punch the next big firm loser who "calls the shumie" in the face and make him my bitch

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  23. Absolutely zero chance sfl is peter valori, for the aformentioned reason.

    Love pete, but he's no sfl

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  24. SHUMIE TIME!

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  25. Hey big firm loser - your girl squeals bro

    I screamed SHUNIE TIME at the money shot

    She smiled a messy smile

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  26. One of the largest A-Holes in the Miami legal community is Charles De Leo of Fowler White Burnett. This guy is a real fraud. On top of that he only knows how to defame others be it a business or, mostly, individuals, with never a kind word to say about anyone. He would defame Jesus Chirst. He belongs at the table in the photos, if he could only remove the pole which is up his ass.
    As a woman lawyer, I know he looks down upon all females, lawyer or not. If your adverse to him, he will settle, never will he try a case, never---he wont know how and cant..What a fraud....and an ass.

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