Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Yes, Judge Carnes Went There.

Ok, so you have an ERISA case involving Home Depot.

You're an appellate judge well-known for crafting stories in your opinions, filled with historical references, and for starting those opinions with "a grabber."

Home Depot is about building things.  And the lawsuit involves a retirement plan.

People build many things over the course of their lives. Throughout the time allotted them, they build houses and homes, character and careers, relationships and reputations. And if they’re wise like Aesop’s ant, during the summer and autumn of their lives they store up something for the winter.  Although the ant in the fable did well enough without its savings plan being protected by ERISA, the plaintiffs in this case seek the protections of that statute. They claim that the fiduciaries of their retirement plan violated ERISA in ways that damaged their efforts to stockpile savings for their winter years.
Alright, it's a bit of a stretch but I see the connection, however tenuous.

Still, I've come up with my own introduction -- see what you think:
People frequently grow murderous when they can't find the nail aisle and no one in an orange blazer seems to even know what a "nail" is.  Though all they want to do is fix the shutter their spouse keeps complaining about, they also wanted to catch the game and now their kid is getting cranky and maybe it's time to buy a new grill and forget all about the friggin' nail.  And if they're lazy and fat like Aesop's pig, they may never live long enough to see the ass later that evening.  Although the pig in the fable did well enough with the free meal right up until he was slaughtered , the plaintiffs in this case have acted like proverbial asses in suing Home Depot over their retirement plan.
I don't know, they both have that whimsical, "old-school" charm!


Anonymous said...

SFL, you are the best.

Seriously, you make my days brighter with your wit and humor...I am a dude, not gay, but just appreciate your efforts.

Anonymous said...

Ditto, you're on a roll this week!

Anonymous said...

you one-uped carnes in my book

Fake Godwhaker said...

So if a gay guy pays SFL a compliment...what? He wants to bang him? I think you are repressed "non" gay dude.

Saying you are not gay is gay.


Anonymous said...

Like 11:14, I too would like to compliment you on your blog, but in a chaste, biblically acceptable, and proudly white kind of way.

South Florida Lawyers said...

3:00 -- thank you Rick Santorum!

John Burgess said...

I'll just thank you for your picture of the Battersea Power Station, one of my favorite pieces of London architecture. The flying pig was gratuitous, but just fine.

Anonymous said...

Ditto John.