We've often lamented the poor writing quality of certain lawyer press releases, which appear to be written in an office in Hyderabad and then fed haphazardly into Google Translate.
Consider this opening paragraph about Broward attorney Gary Ostrow:
Criminal Defense Attorney Gary Ostrow has recently announced his intention to take on all celebrity criminal cases in the state of Florida, effective immediately.Effective immediately? Good to know.
But will he even take on D-listers?
Recognizing that star-studded actors and athletes often face an unfair bias in the courtroom, Ostrow a Fort Lauderdale, Florida lawyer seeks to acquit any and all celebrities wrongfully charged of serious crimes.But what if they were correctly charged?
There's also the "notoriety" factor:
In his 30 years as a Criminal Defense attorney, Gary Ostrow has gained notoriety for his aggressive trial advocacy, thorough understanding of the law and passion for his clients. A former high-profile client went on record stating, "Unlike most lawyers, Mr. Ostrow places his clients' acquittals as his top priority."I think they mean fame?
Also, if the former high-profile client won't identify herself, then she is not "on record."
11 comments:
Moron.
Holy shit.
He's more than just famous. He's infamous.
In all seriousness, this isn't a joke? Like, really, really not a joke? It has to be, right?
I wonder if someone is setting this guy up and this is a spoof. Click the link to the marketwire website that started this. The lawyer supposedly will seek "retribution for the victims of those unjustifiably accused of breaking or misunderstanding these regulations." Read literally, this means he will seek retribution(i.e., revenge a la Bronson in the Death Wish trilogy) not for his clients but for the victims of his clients' conduct. Bizarre. And his website refers to what I guess is his idea of a celebrity: A 16 year old high school dropout who becomes a coke head and then gets a job at a strip club only to end up arrested for murdering her child. Not exactly accompanying Virginia Hill through a clack of flashing light bulbs as she tries to explain her relationship with Bugsy Siegel before a congressional committee.
Max, thanks for your comment!
It's South Florida -- never assume anything is a joke.
Max, while this appears to be funny, this is not a joke.
True, it's South FL. Look what happened to Rick Ross.
Τhankѕ foг finally talκing about > "Attention, Celebrities in Trouble: Gary Ostrow is Here!" < Liked it!
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