Friday, January 4, 2013

Attention, Celebrities in Trouble: Gary Ostrow is Here!

We've often lamented the poor writing quality of certain lawyer press releases, which appear to be written in an office in Hyderabad and then fed haphazardly into Google Translate.

Consider this opening paragraph about Broward attorney Gary Ostrow:
Criminal Defense Attorney Gary Ostrow has recently announced his intention to take on all celebrity criminal cases in the state of Florida, effective immediately.
Effective immediately?  Good to know.

But will he even take on D-listers?
Recognizing that star-studded actors and athletes often face an unfair bias in the courtroom, Ostrow a Fort Lauderdale, Florida lawyer seeks to acquit any and all celebrities wrongfully charged of serious crimes. 
But what if they were correctly charged?

There's also the "notoriety" factor:
In his 30 years as a Criminal Defense attorney, Gary Ostrow has gained notoriety for his aggressive trial advocacy, thorough understanding of the law and passion for his clients. A former high-profile client went on record stating, "Unlike most lawyers, Mr. Ostrow places his clients' acquittals as his top priority."
I think they mean fame?

Also, if the former high-profile client won't identify herself, then she is not "on record."


Rumpole said...


Anonymous said...

Holy shit.

Max Kennerly said...

He's more than just famous. He's infamous.

In all seriousness, this isn't a joke? Like, really, really not a joke? It has to be, right?

Shoot The Lawyers said...

I wonder if someone is setting this guy up and this is a spoof. Click the link to the marketwire website that started this. The lawyer supposedly will seek "retribution for the victims of those unjustifiably accused of breaking or misunderstanding these regulations." Read literally, this means he will seek retribution(i.e., revenge a la Bronson in the Death Wish trilogy) not for his clients but for the victims of his clients' conduct. Bizarre. And his website refers to what I guess is his idea of a celebrity: A 16 year old high school dropout who becomes a coke head and then gets a job at a strip club only to end up arrested for murdering her child. Not exactly accompanying Virginia Hill through a clack of flashing light bulbs as she tries to explain her relationship with Bugsy Siegel before a congressional committee.

South Florida Lawyers said...

Max, thanks for your comment!

It's South Florida -- never assume anything is a joke.

Ashley Casas said...

Max, while this appears to be funny, this is not a joke.

Anonymous said...

True, it's South FL. Look what happened to Rick Ross.

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Anonymous said...

Clearly, some jerk-off(S) took some time out of his day, spent a few bucks no doubt and apparently was hugely successful in getting the very type of reaction he set out to get because, as he assumes rather correctly, the readership, despite the higher education and somewhat higher intelligence , collectively, are easily manipulated, tend to suck everything they read up as Gospel, and at that precise moment, has led the blind right down the manufactured path designed for that very shallow reader and/or perhaps in this case, owns this very audience. Clever in that its not your typical, hateful, soapbox condemnation, piled high with blatantly nasty, condescending know.......presents a bit more of a challenge....hummm....." could there be some redeeming message......that could make up know.....the disengenuous analysis, always ending the same way but allows the condemner to feel a bit better about his unilateral condemnation! Rumploe, for example, while clueless, gives himself away in the most embarrassing fashion........Rumpole's deep thought process was followed by the very simple, brief conclusion his highness reached, after perusing what was purported to be from Mr. Ostrow...Sounds to me, in all due respect, that RUMP is more of the 'MORON' here!! Lets go outside the box for a moment (can you keep up, Rump?) and just for a moment , speculate that the actual Mr. Ostrow is a bit smarter than that and perhaps others chose to capture the sharpest minds of the blog readership..........Rumpole, clearly, unless I am missing something big, did not for a moment, apparently allow for the possibility that Mr.Ostrow was as much a part of it as Rump himself? For a pseudonym, who holds himself out as moderator at very least, it appears that is response most definitively places him , well first, as a mind NOT of his own....for starters and without any sign or concern for thinking outside the box, the very guy who is identified with this journalistic endeavor and seemingly fairly familiar with the landscape, players and backdrops is the first to arrive at a conclusion that either reelects a small minded man, who does no thinking for himself or a small minded man, who is simply so insecure within himself, that his initial instinct, as demonstrated here, is to jump on the bandwagon, bc guys like him don't lead them.......they jump on them! This you can take to the bank, the players who played rump so tenderly, have exposed Rompole and only RP as a 'MORON".......unless, of course, the 'MORON" comment, wasn't really him! This is known as taking the high road by giving that MORON the benefit of some doubt, despite his rush to judgment....more aggravating coming from a guy who hold himself out.....maybe its that moron's time to go?