Good morning carbon-based lifeforms. Welcome to your life. There is no turning back.
Remember, there are no stupid questions, just stupid people asking questions. This is especially true in business meetings already in overtime and when the office brown-noser needs another 20 minutes for additional points of clarification. Die toad!
Somebody get me a Xanax.
And somebody get these people a brain. This has got to be the stupidest idea for a lawsuit ever.
Christian conservative activist Rick Scarboroughseems to have finally found the silver-bullet solution for battling homosexuality in America: Sue the gay away! During an interview with fellow traveler Peter LaBarbera, Scarborough suggested the possibility of suing homosexuality in the same way lawyers took up a case against large tobacco companies.
“The whole issue of a class action lawsuit, you and I have talked about this a little bit,” the Tea Party Unity committee member reminded his colleague. “Obviously, statistically now even the Centers for Disease Control verifies that homosexuality much more likely leads to AIDS than smoking leads to cancer. And yet the entire nation has rejected smoking, billions of dollars are put into a trust fund to help cancer victims and the tobacco industry was held accountable for that.”
LaBarbera, the president of Americans for Truth, agreed. “I think that’s great. I would love to see it.” He added that perhaps if anti-gay groups can win such a lawsuit against homosexuality, the money could be put into PSAs depicting the alleged pitfalls of homosexual behavior. “We always wanted to see one of the kid in high school who was counseled by the official school counselor to just be gay, then he comes down with HIV,” LaBarbera asserted. “But we never really got the client for that.”So homosexuality leads to AIDS like smoking leads to cancer? Not true, but I can see how those who believe Satan is getting wilier and that the all powerful sky-father is riddled with easily diagnosable and treatable sexual hangups could fall for this flawed logic.
The truth is that two (or three, or four, or five) hiv negative gays can (and do) have sex 365, 24/7 and there is absolutely zero chance that anyone will get AIDS. That's because AIDS isn't caused by gay sex, it's caused by a virus and you can get that virus by having sex with a person who carries that virus of any gender. So these geniuses better include heterosexuals in their lawsuit too. But oddly enough they must exempt strict lesbians as they are all but free of hiv and most other sexually transmitted diseases, aka "God's chosen people."
In all fairness there are higher incidents of sexually transmitted diseases among the LGBTQ community. For decades we lived in fear and in the shadows, with random occasional sexual hookups our only form of release. But I'm in my 14th year of marriage. And even as the gay community is gravitating towards monogamy and long-term relationships, our sluty ways are percolating out among heterosexuals. Soon we will achieve parity.
NSA? FWB? OMG!
Now is there any way we can sue these Tea Party idiots for the 24 billion dollar hit their most recent temper tantrum caused our economy? I think we'd have a better case.