This came to us from local white shoe tipsters who obviously had too much time on their hands -- thanks, fellas!
Top 30 indications that you’re probably a sleazy civil attorney, South Florida style (if 3 or more apply it’s a rebuttable presumption):
(1) You’ve got a red “YES” next to “10 year disciplinary history” on the Flabar.org website.
(2) You have a law firm called “[insert your name] and Associates, P.A.,” but don’t have any associates.
(3) You serve, or are the recipient of, a 57.105 motion in more than half of your cases.
(4) You’ve had Rule 11 or 57.105 sanctions imposed against you more than once during your career.
(5) You’re in motion calendar an average of one or more times a week.
(6) You routinely have 2-3 motion calendar hearings before different judges on the same morning.
(7) You surprise opposing counsel with your case law in the middle of the hearing, despite having sat next to him for 20 minutes before the hearing.
(8) You highlight the Court’s case law, but not opposing counsel’s.
(9) You’ve ever had a raised-voice argument with opposing counsel outside the courtroom, douching out everyone in the hallway.
(10) You make lengthy speaking objections during depositions despite the fact that everyone knows they’re forbidden.
(11) You permit your staff to negotiate settlements and/or argue substantive issues with other attorneys.
(12) You boast on your website of your admission to practice in the Middle and Northern Districts of Florida or the Supreme Court of Florida.
(13) You regularly tell your assistant to wait until after 4PM to fax or email something to opposing counsel.
(14) Pre 2005: you used to turn your fax machine off at 5:30 every day.
(15) You’ve ever condescended to/dressed-down someone who works in the Clerk’s office.
(16) You’ve ever moved to recuse a judge based on an adverse ruling.
(17) You’ve ever tried to bait a judge into making a recusal-worthy statement.
(18) You ask for punitive damages and/or 57.105 sanctions in your initial Complaint.
(19) You’ve ever refused a request for a reasonable and routine extension of time to respond to discovery/serve an amended pleading, etc., because “your client” said no.
(20) You think it’s OK to notice hearings and discovery without clearing dates with the other side
(21) You’ve ever had a judge yell at you to “go outside” because you and your opposing counsel loudly argue over the language of an order after a ruling has been made.
(22) You’ve paid a settlement to a former employee for a sexual harassment claim anytime after 1995.
(23) You’ve had your firm sued for malpractice more than once.
(24) That whole meet and confer requirement just doesn’t apply to you.
(25) You have an AOL email address on the Florida Bar directory.
(26) You routinely cite to Fla.Jur., Corpus Juris Segundum, AmJur, Trawick, etc. without citing actual controlling authority.
(27) You trial court filings are in anything other than 12pt Times New Roman or Arial font
(28) You own a smartphone and deny having read an email within 4 hours of it being sent during normal business hours.
(29) You mention to the court during a hearing how long you’ve been practicing law.
(30) You like to mention to opposing counsel how long you’ve been practicing (because your facts and law suck).