Sex on the beach! We've all heard of it. A few have tried it. It was a dark and drunken evening at about 3 A.M. Frankly, I could never get passed the worry of sand. Abrasion is the enemy of good sex. Seclusion is a necessity. But should you get caught, what's the appropriate penalty? Certainly not this.
What is the appropriate penalty for having sex on the beach? This is a story about how that offense, like so many others, allows a penalty far longer than is just.This was a very public display. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be any consequences but there are many more heinous crimes that get a lot less time.
Were I a cop who stumbled on a couple hooking up beneath a blanket at night I'd look away. Confronted with people going at it during daylight hours in view of passersby, I'd think, "The abrasiveness of sand dissuades most people from doing this and the best outcome would be for Fark.com to mock their breach of community standards, but I suppose I'm obligated to make them stop and issue a ticket."As a prosecutor, I'd seek a sentence of community service plus one weekend of house arrest with the Jimmy Buffett song "Who's the Blond Stranger?" played on repeat over and over and over. A person never forgets that.
But it turns out that actual Florida lawmakers and prosecutors are wildly less forgiving of sex on the beach. "A jury Monday found a couple guilty of having sex on Bradenton Beach after only 15 minutes of deliberation," The Miami Herald reports. "The convictions carry a maximum prison sentence of 15 years."
It's just sex. You can see similar scenes on any soap opera. Daytime television.
Maybe if they were featuring ads....
I guess under the draconian jackboot puritan moral theocracy that is Florida, even these two lovebirds would be jailed for such an innocent and pure expression of emotional fulfillment?