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Special 3d DCA Watch -- Farewell Judge Schwartz!

Following up on Rump's thoughtful words, we would be remiss in our 3d DCA Watch duties if we did not address this momentous Bunker event:
Judge Alan R. Schwartz retires from the Third DCA
On September 30, 2013 after serving the Third District Court of Appeal for more than thirty-five years, Judge Alan R. Schwartz will retire as senior judge.  Judge Alan R. Schwartz will be missed. His lasting legacy on this Court will never be forgotten.
Indeed, Judge Schwartz' unforgettable lasting legacy has led none other than Sir Elton John to compose a special tribute, sung (as always) to the tune of "Candle in the Wind":

Goodbye Alan R.
Though I never knew you at all
Because you had the grace to turn your chair around
While those around you looked normally at counsel table
They crawled out of the concrete woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They said "use your gut judge use your gut"
And they made you get mad at us for not getting to the point quick enough

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a Robed One Extraordinaire
Never knowing who to rule against
When swilling coffee in that putzy little coffee room
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just third chair
Your Robe faded from excessive use and decades of dry cleaning long before
Your wit and intelligence ever did

Being the smartest guy around was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Your intellect created a superstar
And suffering fools was the price you paid
Even when you retired
Oh the urge to rule still hounded you
So you sat on circuit court appeals and panels of all sorts
Was that Alan R. in the 73 West Flagler bathroom?

Goodbye Alan R.
From the young lawyer sitting in the 22nd row
Who sees you as something more than a brainy legendary judge
More than just the most Resplendently Robed One to ever inhabit the Bunker
 I mean that -- he will definitely be missed.


  1. Well done, SFL, well done.

    As wascally a wabbit as he could be at times, he will definitely be missed.

  2. Priceless. I hope SFL gives me that send off someday.

  3. This little prick liked to refer lawyers to the bar for no reason. Fortunately, the bar paid Little Shortz no attention.

  4. The Bar paid attention when he mistreated law students.

  5. Who cares about his deplorable personal behavior?
    Schwartz is often, if not usually, completely result-oriented, as in "But the defendant did pull the trigger, didn't he?" or "But the defendant hasn't paid on the note, has he?" I'm willing to grant him his intellect and even his anti-social behavior, but not his blatant and smug disregard for the law.

  6. Gut gut gut gut gut gut

  7. I bet Marco, Judge Schwartz and Judge Pryor are teaming up like Avengers and coming for you, bloggers!

  8. I hope that, in his retirement, his spouse (or whatever unfortunate soul resides with him) encourages him to shave off the disgusting combover.


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