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Vodka, OJ, Cranberry, and Peach Schnapps

Sex on the beach! We've all heard of it. A few have tried it. It was a dark and drunken evening at about 3 A.M. Frankly, I could never get passed the worry of sand. Abrasion is the enemy of good sex. Seclusion is a necessity. But should you get caught, what's the appropriate penalty? Certainly not this.
What is the appropriate penalty for having sex on the beach? This is a story about how that offense, like so many others, allows a penalty far longer than is just.

Were I a cop who stumbled on a couple hooking up beneath a blanket at night I'd look away. Confronted with people going at it during daylight hours in view of passersby, I'd think, "The abrasiveness of sand dissuades most people from doing this and the best outcome would be for to mock their breach of community standards, but I suppose I'm obligated to make them stop and issue a ticket."As a prosecutor, I'd seek a sentence of community service plus one weekend of house arrest with the Jimmy Buffett song "Who's the Blond Stranger?" played on repeat over and over and over. A person never forgets that.

But it turns out that actual Florida lawmakers and prosecutors are wildly less forgiving of sex on the beach. "A jury Monday found a couple guilty of having sex on Bradenton Beach after only 15 minutes of deliberation," The Miami Herald reports. "The convictions carry a maximum prison sentence of 15 years."
This was a very public display. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be any consequences but there are many more heinous crimes that get a lot less time.

It's just sex. You can see similar scenes on any soap opera. Daytime television.

Maybe if they were featuring ads....


I guess under the draconian jackboot puritan moral theocracy that is Florida, even these two lovebirds would be jailed for such an innocent and pure expression of emotional fulfillment?


  1. Please! Details ! Details!

    On Bernardo Roman III being fired by the Miccosukees and escorted off their land by the police!

    One million in sanctions: check

    Bar filed formal charges: check

    Fed grievance com.investigating: check

    Fired by his client: check

    Target letter from US Attorneys office.....

  2. Angel Cortinas will save Bernardo! Angel "knows fraud !" Lol. Asshat.

  3. This blog blows.

  4. Come meirda . Lol.

  5. Vodka- I've recently developed a liking for it--- unfortunately it leaves me with a pounding headache the next morning.

  6. I'd say try the premium brands but that would be redundant. I'm certain the Princess only drinks the finest!

  7. I think I have identified the fornicating duo. They are an elderly couple about 75 years old. They both attended but may not have graduated from an elite Ivy League school circa late 50's early 60's. They got their start by using the campus grounds to ply their fleshly skills and then slowly making their way south as each county sheriff booted them one town down the border. According to their itinerary, they will make it to South Beach one day before they die. Here is the evidence from one of my ATF websites:


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