Eight Crazy Nights!

This really happened.
This year, like all other years, the Friends of Lubavitch began its Hanukkah parade of cars and giant menorahs through the streets of South Beach, escorted by Miami Beach police.

But this year, unlike any other, instead of leading the gaggle through intersections and crosswalks, officers ticketed 30 parade-goers — including several rabbis — for running red lights and endangering pedestrians.

Now Jewish spiritual leaders and their congregants are asking why they were directed through intersections, only to be pulled over and cited. And why, they want to know, did the event permit have a 7 p.m. starting time when in years past it allowed for a much earlier start?

They also say that without an official escort, they were careful to drive in groups of three and four cars, stopping at all red lights and carefully checking crosswalks.

They waved me and a friend through a red light, then ticketed me for not stopping, said Rabbi Yitzach Teitelbaum, whose gold Toyota Camry sported a big menorah on its roof. The only reason I went through is because he waved me through.
("Said Rabbi Yitzach Teitelbaum, whose gold Toyota Camry sported a big menorah on its roof." Do you love Miami as much as I love Miami?)

Oh calm down, ya'll. I'm sure the Miami Beach police have a good explanation.
Miami Beach police, meanwhile, said parade-goers were forewarned that festivities were to begin no earlier than 7 p.m., or citations would be issued. The fear: traffic congestion and possible harm to children dancing near the vehicles.
Damn little Jewish kids, dancing in the streets.
Listen, it’s a great event, Miami Beach Police Chief Dan Oates said Tuesday. We don’t want this type of conflict as a result of our illogical and unnecessarily heavy-handed behavior. It’s a great celebration. We just want it done safely.
Miami Beach Mayor Philip Levine said the city wanted the parade to be held at an off-peak traffic hour. 
It's a shame that they jeopardized the safety of the police escort with their behavior by not following proper directions and laws, he said. Whether you're Jewish, Catholic, white or black, Miami Beach has laws to protect the safety of our entire community, and they must be obeyed or a Beach cop may drag you behind a building and beat you to a pulp.
In happier news, those whacky Jews at Beth Am in Pinecrest got their Star Wars on. (I have to believe our friend David O. Markus had a hand in this.)

I have to do it.


  1. Love the rewrite. How can you not like Adam Sandler.

  2. shumie rules. baba booey!


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